PLEASE READ:
There are a couple of things that I neglected to add in my original webpages
that I've decided to add now. They both deal with sensitive issues...and that's
why I hesitated to add them at first. As I've spoken to so many people about
Kimmie's story, I've been told that I really should say these things...that
they may have a great effect on some visitors and make a difference. Since
that's the whole reasoning behind this website now, I've decided that they
are right...you all SHOULD be aware of these things. Not only do they help
understand Kimmie's situation better, but they are important issues that did
affect the whole situation and might possibly serve as inspiration to others.
If so, Kimmie, Mary, and I would all be very happy to know that we've made
a difference.
Life Support Directives:
(written with Kimberly's permission)
This is a super-sensitive issue, I know...
I don't feel qualified to speak for all people and in all cases, but I can
tell you what happened in Kimberly's case and you already know the outcome.
*smiles*
Kimmie and Mary had just had this discussion not a week before her accident.
At the time, neither had any idea that it would come into play so soon. I
think perhaps Kim was thinking about it since she'd just had another serious
accident 2 months before the big one in June. In that one, a car had lost
control and gone airborne, flying head-first into oncoming traffic...smashing
directly into the front of Kim's vehicle. It ended up being a multiple car
wreck, but no one had serious injury and all walked away shaking their heads
in disbelief...just scraped and bruised.
Kimmie told her Mom in no uncertain terms that she would not want to be
kept alive artificially. She told her she wanted her organs donated to help
others and that she did not want to be kept alive in a vegetative state /
coma. Mary knew these things when the Drs. asked her if she knew Kim's wishes,
but she couldn't bring herself to tell them. She and I talked about it and
she decided that if there was ANY hope at all...as long as Kimmie still had
brain functioning...that she could never tell them to let her child die. She
was scared that Kim would be mad or upset at her for not heeding her wishes,
but she just couldn't do it. I am a mother myself, so I can understand why
she did what she did...or didn't do, I guess I should say. Needless to say,
we left her life support on...and it was for the best. One flip of the switch
and she would not be here today with us. Could we have had any idea of that
at the time? No. No evidence pointed to the fact that she'd even live, let
alone wake up. The Drs. certainly weren't giving us any hope. But she did...she
lived...and woke up...and has regained a productive life...and smiles and
loves and is very happy that we did not listen to her wishes. I suppose that
is my major point here...I know I have witnessed it with Kimmie and have
experienced it myself (in different, but similar circumstances) - no one
REALLY knows how they will feel about something until it happens to them.
Talk is easy when you aren't in a particular situation...even if you think
you know how you'd react, you don't. People do change their minds. Kim
wanted to live...she fought hard to live...and fought hard to recover...and
even though her life has been permanently changed by this accident, she is
happy to be alive. Keep that in mind is all I ask...if your loved one is
ever in this situation...don't act hastily...think it out long and hard...and
if at all possible, at least give that person's body and mind a chance to
heal and deal with the trauma before you decide. Time is the greatest healer...and
let's face it...the medical establishment simply does not know it all...as
a matter of fact, when it comes to the human brain they know very little.
The Love of a Mother:
(written with Mary's permission)
My sister, Mary, is Kimmie's mom. She is also a recovering alcoholic.
She had a serious drinking problem from the time she was young.
She finally got jolted into reality and sobriety in August, 1999 - not quite
2 years before Kimberly's accident. She had gone to AA and had been quite
successful with sobriety. Kimmie had been her staunchest supporter and had
made Mary promise to never go back to drinking no matter what. They had always
been close but became even closer than ever in those 2 years. Kim was so
proud of her Mom. For those of you who are alcoholics or know one, just try
to imagine what that must have been like for my sister when her daughter
ended up in a coma, near death, with little hope for a positive outcome.
The pain and stress was almost unbearable...and definitely unimaginable unless
you've been there. She spent every single day and night at Kimmie's bedside,
taking only small breaks to sleep at the hotel across the street or to take
a quick cigarette break in front of the hospital. It's very hard to sit there,
day in and day out, with no change...no hope...no talking. It gives you plenty
of time to think...and feel...and despair. I knew the whole thing was taking
a great toll on my sister and that she had at least considered drinking to
numb the pain and blur reality, if only for a little while. At that point,
just about any relief would have been welcomed. I asked her about it directly
one day that first week. She looked me in the eye and through tears said that
she could not do that to Kim...that Kimmie had believed in her...and that
she had made a promise to her. I can honestly say that I've never been more
proud of anyone in my life. Mary never once took a drink...not a drop. She
stood her ground and stayed there for her daughter instead of thinking of
her own pain. There is no real point to this other than to let you all know
just how strong the love was around Kimmie during her ordeal, to show that
love (especially a mother's) is stronger than anything else on earth, and
to possibly serve as an inspiration to others in the same predicament.
When I asked for Mary's permission to print this on the website, here is
what she wrote back to me...her words are not only powerful, but she speaks
the words that I did not hear: ["Boo" has always been Mary's nickname for
Kimmie]
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..............is okay by me. You remember when Boos' hand was going like
mad when she was in a coma? When she heard my voice, she would squeeze my
hand. I knew she was trying to tell me something. The only thing I could
think of that she might be worried about would be me not drinking. So I said
to her "If you're worried about me drinking because of this, don't because
I won't". She rubbed my palm with her thumb and patted the top of my hand
with her fingers. That was only a couple of days into the coma. I knew then
that she would be back with us. I leaned close in to her ear and told her
if God needs you more than me, you go ahead and I'll meet ya later, but I'd
sure like you to stay here with us for a while longer. I guess God wasn't
ready for her yet. She has a definate mission here. She fought hard enough
and long enough. Use whatever will help anyone in such a desperate
situation keep some hope and faith. Love ya, Mary
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